Such a day! The wedding of Chatreah and Sothea

Yesterday was a very special and important day is so SO many ways.  This blog will be a sad and poor attempt to try to convey that with words.

Chatreah is one of the older girls of Bykota House.  Almost 7 years ago, we first had Rattana, a young boy, join us.  The next children that came were Mekerah and Chatreah…two beautiful young ladies.  So to say she has been with us since the beginning is not an exaggeration.

Yesterday she was joined in Holy Matrimony at our neighborhood Christian church to a young man whose family became Christians about the same time we moved over to Cambodia.  That still gives me goosebumps to think that when the family became believers of the one true God, that same God was moving us over to establish a place of safe refuge and harbor for Chatreah to grow up in safely and to come to know the Lord also.

Yesterday I was very honored to walk down the aisle next to Sothea’s mother and light the Unity Candle.  As I was approaching the altar, I see Peter, another young man who has been in our lives for several years, standing next to Sothea as the best man.  Peter has been with Bykota House for five years until recently he moved to join the family of Heather Abernathy, our team mate here with International Orphan Aid.

After the candle lighting, Mekerah steps to the microphone to sing.  My chest was getting kinda tight to see this beautiful young Christian daughter singing of the Father’s love at her Bykota sister’s wedding.

Then we have the young attendants…Bee and Gina walk carefully down the aisle throwing out lotus blossoms and their sweet scent begins to fill the air.  They are followed by Gene escorting Linda as they also throw down blossoms.  All are children of Bykota House and a great joy to our lives.

Mark’s eyes are shining as the Cambodian version of the wedding march begins and he escorts his daughter down the aisle.  What an honor we have been given to be in this young lady’s life.  The pastor asks…who gives this woman to be married to this man?  I can’t breathe when Mark answers, “I, her father, give her in marriage.”

Mekerah sings again.  The pastor shares a “short message…”  uh…it turns out to be a 5 point sermon!  But we aren’t complaining…can we have enough Word shared in this country?

Chatreah begins to silently sniffle under her veil.  I reach over and I open my purse and in it is a handkerchief given to me by my Grandmother Batson.  I valued it enough to bring it to Cambodia as a symbol of the blessing she was in my life.  I hand it to little Linda, who walks up and hands her big sister a hankie to wipe her tears with.

In attendance were all the older Bykota children who have been with us over these years.  The Littles were left at home with staff because we knew they couldn’t handle the stress of the wait well.  But looking on in newly pressed wedding attire is Peroom, Rattana, Savorrne, Chantee, Srey Heang, Volet, Visoth, and Ta.  Everyone’s eyes are shining bright as we see the stunning bride that our Chatreah has become.

We are also thankful that Heather is with us…much more than a team mate, much more than the school administrator…she is the Bykota kids “Aunt.”  God has built a family and He set the solitary into it…it is Bykota House.

Chatreah is very excited to have our youngest daughter, Danielle, here in Cambodia on a short visit for her wedding.  It is sad that others can’t be here but we are still so excited that Danielle was able to come and also, Chatreah’s sponsor, Carol Jones, flew over to be at the wedding.  Carol has been coming to Cambodia once a year ever since she began to sponsor Chatreah.  She regularly communicates with her through email and Facebook and overseas calls.  What a blessing to have such partners!  The friends and family of Bykota House not only support the work…but they are invested IN the work.  They are our extended family.

When we were in the States last year for furlough…every time I gave our presentation at churches, small groups, homes, etc…I would say, “It is our heart’s prayer that Bykota House becomes a launch pad so that these children,  who the Enemy had planned a life of poverty, slavery, and want, are launched into the destinies ordained for them by the Father surrounded by those of us who love them and care for them.”

Yesterday we saw that happen right before our very eyes.  One moment Chatreah was one of our oldest girls…then the next, she was the wife of a young Christian man and stepping into her destiny.  She has blasted off from the launch pad!!!

Many of you will ask, “What will happen now?”

Well, it is culturally accepted here that until they can afford a place of their own, they will live with Sothea’s family.  Often this is for decades because of the poverty in Cambodia.  Communal living is not seen or accepted in America but it is quite, quite normal here.

On June 1st, she begins her new job at a beauty salon.  She completed her year of training at the Open Arms Beauty Salon and Training Center and has found a job where she will begin to build her clientele.  Sothea is continuing his education which won’t be complete for some time.  They are both active in the local church and will continue to do so.    Life will happen…but it will continue for us without Chatreah being around nearly as much.

What a day it was!  We are so very blessed here in Cambodia and we are so thankful to the Father for all that He has done for us…all of us!

Breathing in, breathing out,

Rhonda

Job Openings

Okay, that title is a little weird.  Because when you think of “job openings”, you think of a job that comes with a salary or at least a paycheck.  However, that is not usually the case when it comes to the mission field.  We have JOBS…make no mistake about it.  These are jobs that will usually be more than 40 hours of work committment a week under conditions that take some acclimatizing too but at the end of your work week or month…no, there is not a paycheck.

We are not unusual in that.  Most missionaries DO have their own foundation of support and that is what pays their bills each month.  We raise our own support as full-time volunteers for International Orphan Aid, but also a large part of our “job” is to cast the vision of what God is doing and saying in our neck of the jungle.  Make no mistake about it…the fields ARE ready for harvest and yes, the laborers are few.

We have some very particular needs that as each month we are feeling the lack of more and more.  So we are posting them in this manner as  a kind of “Help Wanted” blog…never done this before…more than likely won’t do it again…who knows?

Computer Instructor:

This job would entail the organizing, instructing, and supervising the education and training of the children of Bykota House  in the use of computers and accompanying technologies.

We are equipped with 10 desktop computers and the children are already beginning instruction.  However, the task of this instruction is another role that Mark has taken upon himself since there is no one else at the moment and that means other work is going by the wayside.

Preschool Instructor:

This would be in regards to English preschool skills.  No matter how we arrange the children to utilize the educational assets that we have, there is always some younger children that aren’t ready for what we are doing and so they just wait.  Wait.  WAIT.  Until, finally it is their turn.  But this time is wasted because we are all aware of how much learning is possible during preschool years and the foundation it lays for the later years.

Special Needs Instructor:

We have three children with Cerebral Palsy and one with autism as well as a mix of other learning issues that someone with special education skills could very much be useful and make a difference in the lives of these children.

Teacher’s Assistant:

Okay, this position is going to be filled in June.  Praise the Lord!!!  We have a married couple who are both teachers (but that isn’t necessary as we can train any assistant) that are arriving to assist in School of the Nations.  However, their commitment is limited to only 8-9 months.  I am including this job opening because 8  months can fly by in an instant and we need this on a full-time basis.

Transitional Services Instructor:

Several children of Bykota House are approaching the age of maturity and have need of some additional transition services that could add them in entering adulthood.  These are things that go beyond just basic education content or are educational material that is beyond the level that the children are in schooling.  For instance:

• learning to use banking services…savings accounts, ATMs
• understanding legal contracts and agreements
• personal health responsibility and record keeping
• vocational skills and assistance in locating and placing in appropriate vocational training situations
• budgeting and financial planning

These are just a few ideas and these are things that some could be bitten off and taught in small increments over shorter time commitments.

Home School Helper:

I am personally finishing up some college work that has been so useful to the work here that I am no longer calling it personal development but rather a necessity.  I will have need of a home school helper to help with the homeschooling of the Benz children starting in August.  I just said good-bye to a wonderful helper who was here from January to May.  I am not taking classes this summer but will begin again in the fall.  So the need is August through Dec for the fall semester, Jan through May for the spring semester, or August through May for the full year OR any part of that someone is available.  It does not make financial sense to raise the funds that would be required to enroll the children in an international school here when homeschooling is working for us…we just need a big “sister” to help us get through this season.  Is that person you???

Yes, personal expenses or your “salary” would have to be raised as well as your travel money. But we don’t really look at it that way.  We look at this support as “team building.”  We may be the team players that are here in Cambodia…but other team members are around the globe and it is together that we have answered the call of the Lord to the children of Bykota House.

We do have some assistance/perks that are worth mentioning:

Housing

Upon arrival, we do have some low-cost housing that is available to volunteers with IOA and this can be your full-time residence (as with the married couple arriving in June for 8 months) or if you prefer, it can be a place that you can stay for far less than a hotel/guesthouse as you look for private housing.

Language

 to live without speaking the local language, Khmer.  What you need to pick up that is absolutely necessary will come about and without that much struggle.  No, I am not saying it is easy and you will be fluent in 10 days.  What I am saying is that in typical market situations and businesses, English speakers are available.  And on top of that, we are raising a Bykota-House-full of translators that would be eager to assist you.

Also, our education focus in School of the Nations is ENGLISH.  So if you have graduated Junior High level in the US…you are fully capable of the roles we have open here to fill.  You do not need to spend a year or more in Language acquisition.

Support

We are a small ministry and are available to help you in living here.  We are not so large that you are going to be tossed to the wolves or lost in the shuffle or fall down the cracks or any other idiom that you might be scared of.

We are just a ministry that has been established here by the Father to do our part in rescuing children from the nightmare of human trafficking and planting Churches in Cambodia…one child at a time.

If you are interested in any further details or information on anything within this blog post, please contact us at Mark@orphanaid.org or rhonda@orphanaid.org and please visit our websites, www.orphanaid.org and www.bykotahouse.org

Breathing in, breathing out,

Rhonda

 

The Difference Between Thinking and Believing

It is a strange twist of irony that I have often said to others who lament that they hate Mondays that we should somehow learn to make peace with them because fully one seventh of our lives are spent on Mondays.  Who wants to look back and say that they hated 1/7th of the lives?  However, the last two Mondays of our life have just about done me in.  This blog is intended to share about one of those Mondays.

We had a pretty full day planned.  Not only was it Monday and so School of the Nations would be in full swing…but we also had scheduled to begin the investigation of a little infant boy abandoned at the nearby market.  We had been asked to take him because the market women had began a cooperative effort to take care of him but they knew they couldn’t sustain that. It was just moments before our staff arrived for the investigation to begin with an interview of the primary caregiver that we had a bomb explode in our midst.

Our friends and partners in this walk are familiar with most of the Bykota House children by name.  Among the first children to ever be entrusted to our care was a young girl named Chatreah.  We are blessed that this beautiful young woman has been part of our lives for the last seven years. We first met Chatreah at a provincial orphanage where we worked.  She was on the brink of preadolescence and here in Cambodia that can be a very dangerous time.  This is the time that many young girls fall through the cracks and disappear into the dark nightmare of the human sex trade.

We have had our ups and our downs with Chatreah…just like anyone will who is in the life of a young girl.  Ha Ha  However, we are happy to report that the ups have been way more than the downs.

She had been at this provincial orphanage for several years before we found her.  We knew that she had parents that were living but they had never come back to visit her and we were very concerned for her safety.  She had been having some school in the province but like most provincial schools, it was very little and irregular.  She is very bright and curious and another trait that has always been important with her is that she isn’t afraid.  So when learning English, she has never been afraid of making a mistake or saying something wrong.  That has been very good for her.

A short time before we left on our recent furlough to the US, she began a one year course in Open Arms Beauty Salon and Training Center.  She has graduated with high honors and has finished very well. 
Actually, she immediately went to work at a local salon but then had to leave that position because the person who ran and operated the salon had a very foul mouth and used it all the time.  Chatreah hasn’t ever been around that kind of coarse behavior like that and so left.  (proud of her!)

We had another very proud moment this last March when she asked to speak to us and had her boyfriend and his family with the young couple.  Mark and I sat down and wondered where this conversation was headed.  With mouths gaping open and hearts contracting, we listened as the young man told us how he loved our daughter very much…he had come to ask for permission to marry her.  I will NEVER forget how her eyes sparkled.  He had chosen her.  He had asked for her.  He loves her.

Wow!  Isn’t that how our God moves???  The journey that Chatreah has been on is one that has certainly been full of twists and turns but He has been with her, blessing her, each step of the way.

The Monday in question was a day that we had to keep reminding ourselves of that. She arrived at the house shaking and visibly pale.  She had to only utter two words when we knew our day was taking a drastic turn. 

 ”I’m scared.”

Apparently the way that news travels (which I will never understand) in Cambodia, word had gotten back to Chatreah’s family that she had come of age and was preparing to marry a young Christian man from church.  The foreigners (Mark and I) had given our permission.

Chatreah was called and over phone calls was “reintroduced” to her family.  Without mincing any words, she was told that she had a choice…she could work at the bar with her sister (as you may suspect, it was WAY more than a bar) or she could marry an older man in province who had already given her family a down payment.  They would allow her to choose.

“I’m scared,” she said shaking.

“Don’t be.  This is not going to happen.”

The next hours…days…the next week was filled with subtle negotiations full of Cambodian nuances.  We didn’t offer any threats or ultimatums…we did suggest possible outcomes.  We danced a dance in which our feet had to learn the steps as we went all the while we told the family, we told Chatreah, we told ourselves:.

“No, this is not going to happen.”

We may never know if it was the plan all along with her family.  They would just wait while she grew up at the orphanage and then cashed in when she came of age.  Or maybe the news of her engagement arrived during a financial crisis and it presented a possible financial windfall.

“Don’t be scared.  This is not going to happen.”

Our lives are clicking along and on the surface everything appears very normal.  Chatreah is not around much.  In a land where girls are taken from the street every day and never seen again, she is safe.  We have her in hiding.

We stood between her and her family and reminded them that legally she is an adult.  That holds very little weight in Cambodia. 

We reminded them that she was known…well known…and we assured them she wouldn’t just disappear quietly.  That gave them pause.  They began to think, “This may not happen.”

We placed ourselves between them and her, convincing them that  we would stay there until they began to believe, “This is not going to happen.” 

The difference between thinking and believing…it is often said that the longest 12 inches is from our head to our heart.  The difference between thinking and believing can sometimes mean the difference between life and death.

Breathing in, breathing out,

Rhonda

 

 

 

College AGAIN…

***Some of you, probably most of you, know that I have insanely enrolled as an online distance learning student to complete my four year degree.  This last week in a class that I am taking, Short Story, I had to write a paper.  I thought I’d share it here with you.  You can give me a grade!!!  LOL

Breathing in, breathing out,

Rhonda

Bamboo Scratching on my Window

Rhonda Benz

               The soft glare of the computer monitor illuminates the darkened room while I check my email.  It is 4:30 AM in Phnom Penh, but it is 3:30 PM in the States.  This morning I find emails from both college daughters.  There is nothing from my son in the States or the son in Germany.  Before the rest of the family awakens and while I still have some quiet, I turn aside from the computer to read the short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald, “Babylon Revisited.”

For the next hour I read of the story’s main character, Charlie Wales.  The story is one of struggle.  On the surface it is the struggle for Charlie to regain the custody of his daughter, Honoria, but beneath this it is Charlie’s struggle with the consequences of poor choices, even worse decisions, and life-shattering behavior in an earlier period of his life.  I turn to the window to watch the sun rising over the horizon of coconut and bamboo, and  I wonder, “Did Charlie realize when he was taking his first step down the path that lead to the traumatic change of his life, his family, his world?”  I listen to the bamboo gently scratching on the window and I know he didn’t realize that first beginning step…because neither did I.

On another early morning in 2001, I opened my email in our Carthage, Missouri home and found an adoption announcement from a long-time friend.  They had just adopted a little boy from Vietnam. Over breakfast, our family looked at all the pictures they had sent and talked about this wonderful miracle of adoption.   This email was an answer to our prayers and wonderings.  For years, even though we had five wonderful biological children, we knew that our family wasn’t complete.  Somehow we just knew.

My husband, Mark, and I began to research adoption programs and after much study, we decided on the country of Cambodia.  We knew little of this small Southeast Asian country as we began, but soon the only thing that mattered was that Cambodia was where a little girl and a little boy were waiting. As we waited the orphanage director would send us periodic updates and photos of the children that had been referred to us.  These pictures covered our refrigerator and our children joined us in learning more about Cambodia and Asia.  The wait seemed long and hard to handle.  It was not as easy as nine months of pregnancy, a time of labor, and then you have your child.  My labor was months of red tape, paperwork, and government investigations. When would they be home?  Would they be here for Christmas, for family reunion?  One fact was certain:  international adoption is certainly not for the faint of heart.

Because of Mark’s job, when the wait was finally over, it was me who traveled alone to Cambodia to complete the adoption with a final ceremony, visa applications, and then bring the children home.  As I boarded that flight out of Tulsa I thought I was bringing the children to their new home.  I had no way of knowing how far away they would take us.

Politics and governments rarely allow for the individual and their needs.  So as destiny would have it, I landed after almost two days of flight and layovers to learn that my appointment for the adoption finalization was cancelled.  My planned four day stay turned into almost a month in Cambodia alone except for two young children that did not know me and could not be convinced that I was not an ax murderer.  So sad that Mark was unable to share physically in these early days of getting to know the young ones, I sent scanned photos back to him daily.  I could not hide out in the hotel room or I would have gone crazy.  So with the children, I would buy food, school supplies, or medical supplies in the morning.  Then in the afternoon, I would take the supplies to other orphanages and children’s centers.  The situation in Cambodia and the orphan crisis was far worse than we had understood.  I took pictures of it all.  I thought that I was sharing snapshots of our day; I didn’t realize the mural of our lives was being changed.

I finally did return home.  Mark finally did get to touch, to hold, and to smell the sweetness of the babies.  As he rolled up his sleeves to help with our now larger family and while I moved in and out of a jet-lagged haze—he shared with me the dream of leading others to help be a part of caring for the many, many children that were left behind at the orphanages.  He also shared with me that he had already began speaking of this possibility with others and there was a lot of interest and a lot of support for the idea. This dream became a reality when next year, along with ten others that included our then thirteen year old daughter, he did travel to Cambodia for a two week trip.  As I said goodbye to him at the airport, I didn’t realize that this was a foreshadowing of many, many more “goodbyes” that would soon be said.

It has now been eleven years after that adoption announcement arrived in my email and we have been living in Cambodia for more than seven years.  We have adopted three more (for a total of five) children previously at risk.  We scratched and clawed official legal status for our organization out of this red Cambodian clay.  We have a private children’s home (not an orphanage) with presently 29 children, all previously at risk.  Thirty percent of the children have medical special needs, unloved and unwanted by others—adored by us.  We added a private Christian school four years ago.

Like F. Scott Fitzgerald’s protagonist, Charlie Wales, I have learned of choices, decisions and behaviors.  Every day our choices, willing or unwilling; our decisions, wise or foolish; and our behaviors, acceptable or rebellious; take us another step down this journey we all call life.  No one knows what is ahead of us down the path but like Charlie we all live with the ripple effect of consequences for years…sometimes, usually, for the rest of our lives.

Christmas blessings all around…

For those of you who partner with our ministry, you have heard of all the work we have been through this last month.  Unbelievable!!!!  And we aren’t over the mountain peak yet.  I am looking forward to that slide down the other side.

However, I wanted to share some of the joy of Christmas with you.  On Bykota House Facebook page you can see happy, happy faces of the Bykota Kids while they were opening their Christmas gifts.  That was so much fun to be a part of!

Our sending church, Bykota Ministries in Carthage, MO, set a Christmas tree up in October.  The team had each child’s name, age, and an appropriate gift idea list on each ornament up in front of the church.  Two of the team members, a married couple, explained the tree to the congregation and I am told they informed the church that they were standing up there looking back at everyone until each and every child’s ornament was chosen.  During greeting and fellowship time, the tree was stripped bare within two minutes!

In addition to this, a collection was taken up to provide $10 to each and every child so that they could go themselves or be taken by a care giver to the garment markets and make a selection of clothing or accessories of their own choosing!  This time it was clothing from a donated box (those boxes we are always so very thankful for!) but they got to make the choice themselves!!!  What fun!

Also, an extra $200 was given to cover the cost of taking the extra suitcases of gifts back to Cambodia when our family returned.

A week before we left, a study group out West contacted us and asked if they could again provide a Christmas gift per child.  They had done this last year also and even though it was last-minute, they were sure they could do it.  We said okay!  We are game if they are willing to move that fast.  Move fast they did!  We had gifts and an extra suitcase to carry them in on the doorstep just two days before we left.

The gifts from both places were perfect!  As I was wrapping them with Heather, our school administrator, we both kept remarking how miraculous it was to see that someone who had never met the children, were led to buy the “just right” gift for a child to bring that smile to their face.

As it turned out, we managed to use our free allotment of suitcases to carry everything over so when it came time to purchase the food for our big Christmas Eve meal…how much did it cost????  Right at $200…the same amount collected to pay for extra suitcases that we didn’t need.

We had some extra funds arrive from unexpected source that joined us again last-minute and those funds were able to help provide for all the things that you don’t think about…like $40 worth of wrapping paper, clothes for  Christmas programs, donation to the Khmer church so the children can join the fellowship meal…every single detail was taken care of or provided for.

Then Christmas morning arrived…Mark and I hadn’t bought anything for our own children.  But we kept asking them to remember the wonderful 8 months that we had in the United States…something that was a big gift by itself.  We had bought very small stocking stuffer things…one or two each for the children…and since our move is coming so soon after Christmas, I wrapped them instead of unpacking to find the stockings.

However, they were blessed this Christmas in a very special way!

We visited North Carolina on our big ministry road trip and the family we stayed with had three sons.  The boys just kinda took over with our kids and gave us some much-needed rest.  They had a Wii and that was something my kids hadn’t seen much of so they played and played with the three brothers assisting as coaches to teach these jungle kids how it worked.

On our last night there, the oldest boy came up to speak to me privately.  He said, “Mrs. Benz, with your permission, we’d like to give your children our Wii as a surprise Christmas gift.”  I was just floored!  After our kids all went to bed, their family packed up the game, the controllers, the disc, the game guides…everything…and it was packaged and waiting for our departure in the morning.

Our children never saw it and thought that it was ministry materials the whole time we were traveling and packing to return to Cambodia.  As they opened it Christmas morning in shock…they said it is just like so and so’s.  I said, “No.  It isn’t “just like it”…it IS it.  They sent it home with us for your Christmas because they knew how you don’t have things like this in Cambodia and they are blessed in their home. ”  I LoVeD seeing my kids pause, without words, to experience God’s love pouring down on them.

Then it was Madi’s turn to open her gift.  Her gift started with a trip to Downtown Disney in Orlando, FL.  We had inadvertently walked into a Princess store and all over it was these little girls, Madi’s age, all dressed up in full princess regalia…make-up and hair included…getting photo taken with “their” princess.  I won’t type the cost of that experience in here because I wouldn’t want you to fall out of your chair.

Well, Madi started wailing for it…Daddy assured his princess that she didn’t need clothes to be HIS princess.  Mommy said NO!

Madi kept wailing.  Then Daddy started to tear up.  Mommy said “ Let’s go buy a Cinderella ink pen that lights up.”  It was NO FUN!

Later in our trip we arrived in Washington DC where God provided a little girl who had outgrown all of her princess dress up clothes and we were asked if we might have room for them for Madi?  Maybe it might even make a nice Christmas gift????  So….our little princess opened her gift to find EIGHT princess outfits.  She has been wearing a different one every hour since.

We have only one regret this Christmas…well, maybe two…because it is always true that we miss our family back home during the holidays.  But our main regret is that now the Big Move is upon us and we can’t just sit and bask in this wonderful feeling of God’s love providing not only our needs, but also the desires of our CHILDREN’S HEARTS.

I pray your holiday season has been more than you ever could imagine.

Breathing in, breathing out,

Rhonda

“I understand….but…”

I awoke this morning to find this email sent to me questioning our work in Cambodia.  (names have been omitted for privacy’s sake.)

Hello,

I understand you trying to help some of the most vulnerable children in society by supporting them in orphanages but are you also reintegrating children with their families? Internationally its been recognized that children are best off with their families. There are also statistics that it is cheaper to support families to take care of their own children than running orphanages. I am just wondering what your thoughts are on this seeing that the fast majority of children in Cambodian orphanages have at least one living parent.

 Best,

No, I don’t think this inquirer understands!

This was my reply to this email:

Thank you for your inquiry.

However, to clarify things, we do not run an orphanage.  We have a children’s home.  There is a very big difference because one is an institution that basically stores or “warehouses” children whereas a children’s home is just that…a HOME.  We are based on the God-given model of the family and that makes a world of difference.

If any of our children in our home have a living parent we do our best to try to support them to stay with their parents.  However, the children that ultimately stay with us are with us because their parent has no desire for that to happen.  You can’t MAKE someone raise their child if they are set against it. 

We only have 28 children in our children’s home and that is a small reflection of the number that we have worked with and their parents wanted to just leave them here and walk away.  So the children that are Bykota kids are the ones that there was no other choice.

Of our family of 28 children, we have about 1/3 who, while any living parents may not be willing, they may have grandparents, older siblings, aunts, or uncles that we encourage and actually facilitate them in joining with their remaining family for Cambodian holidays so they remain connected with their roots.

Unfortunately, far more than half of our children are those that their families have left them, walked away, and never came back.  Most because they were failed adoptions to Cambodian families or because the child had medical special needs that culturally this is seen as bad Karma and the parents want nothing to do with them.

I am quite certain that it is less expensive to support a child with their Cambodian family if the family is willing because we have done/do that.  However, those “statistics” often don’t show the reality.  Yes, the child may be with the family but they may have no medical, no dental, and no educational provisions for the child.  And the reality in THIS country is that when a parent or a grandparent has a medical crisis, it is far too common that in order to meet those financial challenges the young child is sold to a brothel or in domestic slavery.

It bothers me tremendously when a parent brings their child to be left here and they are set and won’t hear any other alternatives.  They are determined to leave the child and walk away.  But like I said earlier, you can’t make someone keep their child…you can’t make someone value their child.

One of the hardest cases we had are of two beautiful Bykota children who the woman who brought them was a mother to one and a grandmother to the other.  To abandon two generations of the Lord’s blessing to a family is beyond my comprehension.  She has never been seen again.  Her daughter did come one day to take her child to a family gathering and he wasn’t seen for two months.  When she finally set him on a moto taxi with a complete stranger and instructions to have him returned to us, it was after she had drug him through the villages along the Thai border as she vandalized and looted during an international incident that led to border fire.  He had been shot at, gone hungry, without shoes, and arrived basically shell-shocked from the incident.

While you may not agree with our work, it is what it is.  Without Bykota House, we have no idea what fate may have awaited the children we are blessed with.  I have trouble sleeping at night when we do have to refuse to take a child because it becomes apparent that the child has two living parents.  I lay awake wondering where did they go from our gate.  Did they seek out other children’s homes?  Did they seek out an orphanage?  Or did they decide to sell the child?  All I know is that we make the best decision we can each and every day and we work as hard as we can for children that no one else is willing to lift a finger for each day.  We have literally walked away from loved ones and a life that is much easier than life in Cambodia because these children are worth it.

So you asked my thoughts are on this matter?  Well, while each month is a financial struggle and we are constantly juggling priorities to make ends meet, that isn’t our bottom line.  Our bottom line is that the children the Lord entrusted us with are cared for.

And yes, I do agree that “internationally its been recognized that children are best off with their families.”  I agree with that because WE ARE THEIR FAMILY.  The ones that the Father has brought to us are WITH their family.

Thank you for your inquiry.

Best regards,

Rhonda Benz

Director International Orphan Aid

Mother to Bykota House

Mark and Rhonda go back to school…

We are getting settled back in after our furlough to the US.  We have only had two furloughs in our time of service on the mission field.  The first one was only 100 days in length.  That was WAYYYY too short…but because of lack of additional team members on the field, we didn’t feel that we could leave Bykota House much longer than that.

This last furlough was 8 months.  That was WAYYYY too long for a number of different reasons.  The length of the furlough was set by a task that we had to get done while in the US this time.  It was the citizenship process for our adopted children.  We went by the time frame that the government estimated to complete the task which was 6 months and then added a month because when have you ever had the government finish something EARLY????  Then that put us so close to Thanksgiving that we just planned to return after the sharing the holiday with our family in the States.

It was, as I said, too long.  We got way too comfortable in the States.  It is really easy living there and here in Cambodia it is really hard living.

It was too long to be away from our kids.  Even though we couldn’t help the situation, it was really hard being away from the children of BH.  I am so thankful for their English writing skills because they were able to email us daily if that is what they wanted.  We were never out of touch with them and that was such a blessing.

Anyway, since we were in the US for such a long time, Mark and I went back to school through the MSSU Distance Learning Program.  I think we might be their farthest distance students.  LOL

We just finished our first semester of what will probably be 4 or 5 semesters total until we finish our bachelor degrees.

The remarkable thing was that we completed this last full-time semester while we were traveling with a pop-up camper, with five kids, through 15 states, and working full-time.  Challenging…but we did it.

Why did we do it?  That is a question we have been asked many times.

Well, Mark is motivated more by the idea that he just never finished.  That has always bothered him but it didn’t cause me any concern at all.  And since the distance program is a little limited, I am just getting a General Studies degree so it isn’t like this is going to improve my “career” options at 48 years of age.  What a hoot!

However, with a General Studies degree, I can take any class that I want!  I am not limited by a major’s program with set classes that must be taken.

So this semester I just made straight A’s in:

Microcomputer Applications:  this was a course that taught on the Junior level about MS Word, Excell, and Powerpoint.  Wow!  I have learned (now I just hope I don’t forget) so many things about these programs that were right here on my computer all the time!  I think this will help us in the ministry.  PLUS the book that I had to buy was really great and had so many visuals of the actual computer screen.  With us starting a new computer lab for the Bykota House kids, we are excited to have this resource and plan to use portions of it as we teach the children.

Educating the Special Child:  Again…WOW…this course has really opened my eyes to the education needs and more avenues and techniques to meet those needs of the BH kids.  Many of them appear “normal” without special needs…however, as their Mom, I know that all of them have issues due to their early childhoods.  This has given us more tools to use and that is exciting!!!

Music appreciation:  Okay, this one wasn’t so wow!  I had to take this to be a full-time status so that my scholarship applied and there wasn’t much else available.  But I do really enjoy music.  It was at times enjoyable…especially the Romantic Period of music…but other times it became another chore.  But it was very interesting to watch the DVDs and my instructor was a very kind and funny man.  He was a hoot!

Intercultural Communication:  This was a writing intensive course and I was concerned about it.  As a reader of this blog, you know that I don’t get much writing time.  But boy, oh boy, this was well worth it.  I cannot begin to tell you the number of times that I was reading this book on communication barriers between cultures and thought “Why didn’t I have this book seven years ago? ” Or “THAT explains [fill in the blank]!” Or “I/We/They really did act just like that.  Oh, how embarrassing!”  I feel like that book was so good that it would be useful even if people just read it prior to moving overseas.  A full-blown course wouldn’t be necessary…just reading it would help.

So that wasn’t enough to make full-time status so I took a little one hour course on “Career Planning.”  Again, that sounds nutty because my career is set before me but oh, what a great book!  It was very easy to read and understand.  My plan in taking it was that maybe I would find something in it that would be useful to immediately RETEACH the BH kids.  I was spot on!!!  There is so much good information.  I have bought the book in Kindle edition and so the older children of Bykota House will read through it again with me on the Kindles that we are adding to our school platform.

As I mentioned before, I needed a scholarship to apply.  I was really floored when they dug into records and found my 25+ year transcripts from before, saw my GPA, and offered me a scholarship.  That together with Pell Grants meant that going back to school and learning things to help us more in the task at hand here in Cambodia didn’t cost me anything.  All my costs were covered.

It is kinda funny to think about how when I graduated with my little AA degree, I was big and pregnant with my daughter.  If this goes as planned, I will be graduating with my bachelor’s the same year as my daughter.  giggle

I am sure there will be hitches along the way. For instance,  we have to always find someone to carry our books over to us and to later return them to the college for us.  But we pray that works out each time. For this upcoming semester, we brought our books back and we will have them returned by a team later.  I also bought one book on Kindle.

Again, my semester is going to include classes that I pray are useful to me here in my role and task that God has set me into.

One additional benefit is that on this last Monday, one of the BH kids came up and asked me about something that needed to be done.  I said “Oh, I can’t do that tomorrow…I have a big test!”  They all looked at me with big eyes and so I explained to them what I have just explained to you…then, they looked at each other…since break was over, they went back to their desks to continue their school work.

It is like Philippians 4:9 in action:

“Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

The children won’t be able to come to me and complain about having to do schoolwork for the next couple of years.  LOL

Breathing in, breathing out,

Rhonda